tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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