New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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