You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
