My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just threw up on my dentist
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
