Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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