I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
