Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
