I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
