i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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