In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
