I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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