where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
