Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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