i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
