drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
