Where is the hickey?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
