Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
