At least make sure they are 18
Why
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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