Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
