We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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