if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
