So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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