I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
