I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
