Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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