so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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