Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
