there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
