I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
