today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
