I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
