Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she peed on how many people?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
