RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
