Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
