I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
