She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
