The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
