Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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