I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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