If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
