You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
