he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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