i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
