HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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