how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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