I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
