Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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