6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
