Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
