if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
