This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
