When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
